You lucky diaper-wearing walrus! I'm only a Level 3 showing agent so I lack the sleight of hand and silver parseltongue to trick you into renting this weird apartment. I, unlike those fat katz, gotta earn my bacon the hard way. Mild honesty. However, you're shopping the east side, so weird is cool, yea? You should relish that one of the three bedrooms is only accessible via a grand Victorian hallway that seems to have transported itself into the house. Actually, every room seems to have transported itself from a different house, what with the mismatched flooring and ceilings. It's hipster ironic, like a cafe that doesn't have a single matching chair and uses old doors for everything except functioning doors. Bizarre, aside, you do get a pretty dapper bathroom, decently sized bedrooms, parking, laundry, pet friendliness and a smashin location around all the best shops and eateries. I don't need to list them because you are already cool and know which ones I'm referring to. Speaking of, ever since I wrote "bacon" I've been craving Comet Cafe. I'll be devouring baskets of bacon there for the next two hours if you'd like to schedule a tour. Or you may reach me here on the internet.
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